How Green is HSU?

Students in the class did not like:

• Two jumps took readers to the wrong pages
• That the paper needs to do better on the comparison box for election issues needs
• The page four photo caption needed to be more prominent
• The photo for the computer lab story failed to note that it was a photo illustration and generally was lame.
• The Q&A for Sugar Shack failed to say where the band's from.
• The page numbers for the front page refers are still confusing.

They liked

• The photos on the sports story
• The lede on the green campus story
• The headlines in general
• The timeline for the Klamath story
• Getting the bomb scare on tight deadline
• The weather on the back page

This was another good hard-hitting issue. Four stories in this issue were particularly good: Computer labs, the Redwood ACLU, the women's soccer game and the Rock Band Q&A. On the other hand both the Question and Answer with Pereira and the editorial were problematic and the international students story suffered from generalities. Good job getting the pipe bomb on deadline. Fact boxes too dark to read. You needed to box the meeting info for the Klamath story. Design a timeline like a timeline not a fact box.

Don't bury your ledes


The lede for the story on the greenness of HSU was either that Berkeley, Stanford and Arizona State are all greener than HSU or that 32 percent of stuff you will find in the trash on any given day in the dorms could be recycled. The lead for the dam story might be the tens of thousands of dead fish that lined the Klamath six years ago .


Go for active verbs

Green story: There are reminders like these meant to breed energy efficiency The diversion rate is measured in relation to...
Redwood ACLU: Robo was deemed "academically ineligible... The ACLU letter was addressed to both Richmond and...
Dam Deal The salmon season was closed by ...
CCAT Examples of what they have done so far are creating natural paints, a solar water heating system... A group of students ...were able to save a building scheduled for demolition.

Don't inadvertently cast doubt on information in your story
That's what you do with the words "claims" or "according to..."


CCAT claims to produce...
The Hoopa tribe claims its a sweetheart deal...
According to UPD chief Tom Dewey




What's wrong with he said, she said?

Comet speculates...
...which we lost with the move, explains Lanctot


Illustrate what's in the story...

The green story needed a photo of bottles and cans in the trash.
...And include in the story what you illustrate in the photo.

So Rosalind Lynch needed to be in the computer lab story since she was in the photo

Pay attention to the small details:

For two jumps you directed readers to the wrong pages.

Tighten and clarify sentences such as these:

With a staff of only two permanent employees along with three volunteers, e-waste and things like refrigerators and dorm furniture add to the complexity of the process.

For a university with an image centered around its sustainability, HSU's implementation of key environmental practices falls short of these standards and student involvement as a whole is meager at best.

Question the answers to the questions you ask:

When we have to spend more time on cleaning stuff up, it's just less time that we could spend doing something else," said Comet.

What else could they be doing?

Students at HSU are getting an education from "an amazingly well-traveled faculty and internationally-minded faculty," says Fradkin

Such as?

Don't forget the Nut

The nut graph summarizes the major points in a story that includes multiple elements. You needed nut graphs for the Klamath, the Rock band story and the Pereira Q&A.



Transition between speakers

When you move from Hanckel-Spice to Thingsaker (twice!) in the international story When you go from Zandi to Lanctot in the CCAT story.

Put as much thought into your kicker as you do your lede

The issue was rife with lousy endings:

"We are doing a good job right now in terms of waste reduction," said Comet. "But just like anywhere else, there is definitely room for improvement."

"The availability and quality of our labs is extremely important to us, and we value feedback," he said.

"They need to implement the bike plan they've been provided with," says Rall.

"Students can drop in, and people can come in at night. It's geared towards the community," states Lanctot."

Ground your readers

Explain what the Schatz Energy Center is;
Explain what the Pacific Fishery Management Council is;
Explain that Rock Band is a computer game
Explain what a wave rack is Valley Girl

Quantify when you can

The international story needed a breakdown and a map.