Not so invisible

Students in the class liked:

• Some of the pull quotes.
• The color center spread on the Gay Pride parade and the feature on Switzerland.
• The photo for the racism story.
• That there were stories tied to letters to the editor.
• The design for the stories on bees and cyclists.

They saw problems with:

• The interview with Rep. Mike Thompson: Why wasn't it a question and answer in his own words?
• Copyediting marks made their way into the Switzerland story.
• The white space gap at the end of stories.
  
• The Word on the Street
• The credit for the sports wire stories. Most students don't know what SID is.
  
• The wrong date on the corrections (Oops!)
• The page numbers for the refers on the cover were confusing.
• The racism story was too essayish
• Some of the info boxes looked like ads
• The abortion story lacked personal anecdotes

This issue was a good read. It was hard-hitting and edgy. It featured serious stories about important, timely subjects. The substance of the staff-reported and -written stories made up for the reliance on wire copy towards the back. For the most part the stories showed good organization and good sourcing. I saw some small grammatical errors, mainly noun-verb disagreements. But your ledes were better. The biggest problem was passive and clunky phrasing. Some of the stories needed to be tightened. But I believe that if the writing and reporting in each issue improves as much as this one did from the previous issue, you will be producing some fantastic work by the end of the term.
Filler Up!

Think about creative ways you could use filler to give the reader interesting, useful information. Consider:

• The Hitler movie preview cried out for a schedule of showings.
• The bee feature needed a how to box for raising bees or treating bee stings.
• The sports stories could use a list of players, positions and majors.
  
• The Day to Care story needed a menu box of volunteer activities and organizations.
  
• The Gay Pride story needed a fact box on Prop. 8
• The film fest story needed a schedule of showings and locations.
  

Don't be passive...

• Theater senior Christopher Hegler has experienced that ugly form.
• Dewey has received many complaints from administrators.
• This is the sixth year in a row that the HSU budget has been cut.
• By now, Provost Snyder has exhausted most ways to cut spending...
• When confronted by questions about his intentions being similar to a 'cash grab'...
• The importance of education is what he would like to impress on students.
  

Be active!

As riders zoom through stop signs and swerve through dismount zones on the edge of control and disaster, it's easy to see how in a blink of an eye the could become brain damaged or lose their life.

Watch your grammar

The injuries were so severe they had to be airlifted out.

So the injuries had to be airlifted out or did you mean the people had to be airlifted out?

...it's easy to see how in a blink of an eye they could become brain damaged or lose their life.

I think you meant lose their lives.

People are whos not thats:

Prop 8 was created by a small group of Californians that want to see....
Prop 8 was created by a small group of Californians who want to see....

Look for stories within your stories

The museum has its own live bee hive? What's that all about?
What's this about drug offenders not being able to receive financial aid for education?
How does that affect HSU students? What's this Simon Study Abroad Bill?

Tighten your writing
Keep your sentences short and sweet. This paragraph got the first YIKES! of the year from me.

He elucidated that while people typically use bark to cover dirt for decoration purposes and to save water, they also block access bees need to have so they can dwell in the ground.

Quantify when you can

• How many abortions in Humboldt County each year?
• How many beekeepers? Bees?
• How many/percentage of non-Caucasian students at HSU/County?

Get all sides to an issue The story on federal funding for family planning failed to present the views of people who are in favor of the proposal, are fiercely anti-abortion or are pro-choice but anti-abortion.

Identify all people in your photos

For the story on page three, you ran a photo of six people but failed to identify four of them. That was unfortunate since the photo topped a big headline that read: Not So Invisible

Don't bury your ledes

You came up with some good ledes in this issue, but buried the ledes in others. I found the lede for the racism story at the top of the second column -- A theatre senior who went to a party with white friends; they were admitted in but he was told he wasn't welcome.

I found the lede for the University Center story at the top of the fourth column: Richmond wants to allay fears that his plan is a cash grab by testing the plan out for a 3-5 year period. That's new information and gets to the heart of the conflict and controversy.

Meanwhile the story on bicycle/skateboarding hazards had a great lede:

Lead sports stories with action not outcomes.

The soccer story began with news that the men lost. Better to begin with the last 10 minutes of the women's match when the 'Jacks tried for a last stab at a goal only to have freshman Gracie Gartrell kneeling on the ground in pain.

Don't be afraid to paraphrase

In the Day to Care For story you have this sentence: United Way first organized the even in 1994 to "launch its annual community drive." Use quotes only when someone else can say something better than you can or you doubt the truth of the statement. For basic information, cite the source but leave off the quote marks. Quote marks disrupt the flow and are unnecessary in those cases.


Don't be so wishy washy on your editorials.

Only kidding!
This one packed punch on an important issue. Nice job.


Be relevant even in the back of the book.

If you must use wire stories, choose subjects of interest to HSU students and the Humboldt Community.