The Garamendi Issue

Nice job

You produced an issue filled with timely, informative stories. The stories start with strong ledes and the writing in general is tight. In some of the stories you reached far for relevant comparisons that helped give your stories context. In the high housing costs story you called to Chico State to show that students here pay higher costs than do students in a similarly rural town. And in the story about voting on campus, you called to Sacramento State to determine that a school that is four times as big has no on-campus poll site. The stories on football, Ill Bill and Bucky Walters were also good.

My criticisms are getting more and more nitpicky which is good.

Source your information and careful how you label

The snapshot on page two of the accident that occurred after the homecoming game was good. But you title it "Minor accident" even though the woman injured her leg and had to be taken to the hospital. She might not think the accident so minor. Also source your information. What if the person who told it to you got it wrong and she wasn't injured? Also you need to explain to your reader why you aren't giving them the woman's name. Did the police withhold it? If so, say so.

Tell readers just what they need to know.

It was good to preview the KRFH/Lumberjack debate, but really how much did the reader need to know before the event? The story did not warrant a jump.

Bring your reader along with you to events

When the Lt. Governor offers to meet with students tell the reader how many bothered to show up. It won't ruin your story to say that only a handful showed up.

Don't bury the parts of the story most relevant to your core readers

In the Garamendi story, you waited until the second column his comments that unless students make their voices heard, they will continue to see the price of education rise each year.

Don't ask stupid questions

You end the Garamendi interview asking him whether he will make education a priority. You already said that he has spent his entire political career making education a priority. How do you think he will answer the question?

Don't make your readers do the math


In the High housing costs story you say a three-bedroom house rents for $1,744 in Arcata, $1,376 in Eureka and $1,482 in McKinleyville. But what's the price difference?

And don't miss out on opportunities for art

A photo of a sample rental house from each town with the rent would be great.

Don't forget the info boxes

The disaster preparedness story was good but it needed a shopping list telling readers exactly what to put into the kit and where they could get each item.

Look for better ledes inside each story.

In the Ill Bill story I found the lede on the top of the last column. When you listen to an Ill Bill recording don't expect a consistent sound from track to track.

Kill your adverbs

Words like extremely are rarely necessary.

Think about story organization

You wrote the Ill Bill story backwards. The most interesting information was buried in the jump.

Tighten you writing

You write: Grow houses are another problem that Arcata faces, which decreases the amount of available housing.
Instead: Grow houses also decrease the amount of available housing.

Finally, you know this wouldn't be a Lumberjack Critique if I didn't nag you about passive verbs!

• Compounding the frustration and anxiety for police offficers California Lt. Governor...
• HSU is the 14th campus he has visited.
• ...as both are elected separately.
• Garamendi said students should rally.