The Winter's Tale

Students in the class had this to say about the issue:

As in previous issues this term, you filled the issue with good content.

The main problem with this issue was that your lead story is supposed to be about giving the finger to corporate America, but the cover gives the finger to the theatre department at HSU and all the hard-working, well-meaning students who put on the Winter's Tale. But more about that later.

There was also a problem with story organization which manifested in the Measure T story. It began this way:

David Cobb, campaign director of Democracy Unlimited, says three fourths of 2008 Humboldt County candidates have pledged not to accept donations from businesses who have corporate interests from outside the county.

That makes the reader think the story is about Cobb, when the story is about Measure T. This gives me an opportunity to bring up my Paris Hilton rule. When Paris Hilton sneezes that's news. So you can put her in your lede. If someone does not have the same name recognition, leave the name for the second paragraph.

So ask yourself:

What is this story about?: How some local political candidates will abide by a controversial referendum even though the courts say Arcata can't enforce it.

Once you take Cobb out of the lede, the rest of the story flows fine.

Great job on the University Center story

Here you took complicated story and explained it step by step. You took what could be a tedious tale and topped it with a nice hook.

Hey you! Your student fees may be in danger of falling into the hands of President Rollin Richmond's new enterprise, and it could happen before you know it.

To improve this tight story, you just needed to break up some long paragraphs.
And make sure you don't bury important information. You waited until the end of the second column to tell readers that there will be a vote on it in the next month.

Remember: There is no "I" in "story"

You put yourself in the lede of the story on the rally against police brutality. When you use the word "I" you tell readers that the story is about you not them. Instead, change the "I to "you".

Signs reading "Set Your Tasers to Love" and "Cops, we don't need you" littered the ground as Verbena, Cop Watch's unofficial spokesperson and found, tried to press pamphlets and literature into my hands.

Instead:

Signs read "Set Your Tasers to Love" and "Cops, we don't need you" litter the ground as Verbena, Cop Watch's unofficial spokesperson and founder, tries to press pamphlets and literature into your hands.

But in this story, too, you buried important information:

The events scheduled for Oct. 22 and 23 to mark the anniversary of the death of Christopher Burgess.

You buried the lede in the Greenhouse Boardshop and NPR stories:

I found the Greenhouse lede at the top of the third column:
When the economy's down the surf is still up.

And the NPR lede hid at the top of the second column:
Geology senior Bobby Jean Freeman lives a TV-free life. She gets her news the old-fashioned way: By public radio.


In the football story it was the story you buried.

Here is the quote from the middle of the fourth column:

"They took out the receiver! But from an offensive standpoint we gave Central Washington great field positions..."

Meanwhile on the jump we learn that the Jacks had refused to be brought down by the attention surrounding CW's star quarterback, Mike Reilly; that in practices, Reilly became the motivational tool to get the players to train harder.

You buried the story in the article about the Westwood Market as well.

I found it at the top of the second column when I learned that there is the possibility that Murphy's will close the market for a short time, renovate it and reopen it as a Murphy's. That information turns a downer story the Times-Standard already did, into a story that gives residents reason to hope.

But great online map. Next time see if you can find the space inside the paper for the map. Readers LOVE maps.

Excellent editorial.

Regardless of whom you chose to endorse, you gave your readers clear reasons to back your endorsement.

Great opinion section overall.

When the paper receives numerous, well-written, well thought out columns, it means that serious people see the Lumberjack as a forum for serious discourse. It means that everyone on the staff has been doing their job.


Ground your reader

You needed to do that in the Measure T story when you mention the Pacific Legal Foundation but you fail to explain who or what that is. Then you mention O&M Industries, Mercer Fraser Corp. and Maxxam Corp. without explain who they are.


In the vollleyball story the reader who fails to read the headline doesn't know what sport the story is about; you don't use the word "volleyball" until the second column.

You also tell readers that no other sport has the frequency of scoring, but you don't explain. Better yet, show, us the action don't tell us about it.

And you quote coach Woodstra as describing it as a "game within a game." and saying that the women needed to adjust quicker to the other team's adjustment. It sounds fascinating. But you need to explain that and show it.

Nice job too on the Meat Free story

You took an event (World Vegetarian Awareness Month) and focused the story around people and why they choose to not eat meat. It had a good lede and a nice kicker.

But make your passive verbs active:

Not: Bennett has been a vegetarian on and off...
Instead: Bennett swore off meat two years ago. But throughout her life she went through vegetarian phases.

Not: It was created by the North American Vegetarian Society...
Instead: The North American Vegetarian Society created World Vegetarian Day...

Not: Adrienne Spitzer has been a vegetarian for 2 1/2 years.
Instead: Adrienne Spitzer became a vegetarian 2 1/2 years ago

So this was another terrific issue. The only big problem with it, and this was a BIG problem was the cover. You can't put a review on the front cover. You especially tease a hard review with a soft cover. That's what you did. You presented a soft, beautiful photo which leads your readers (which include the cast of the Winter's Tale and all their friends, family, neighbors and instructors) to think that inside they will find a nice, puffy feature on it. Instead you give them this in the first graph:

Without Sparknotes, the play's unconvincing acting didn't make nearly foreign words any easier to comprehend.

You sucker punched them. As journalist's you do want to be tough. You need to be honest at all times. But you don't have to be mean. Be tough in your reviews, by all means. But don't boast about it on the front cover.

And this was a student production. We're not talking about big name Broadway stars earning inflated salaries. We are talking about students just starting out.

This was a great example of how you need to anticipate all ramifications when you use art, or when you decide where and how to place stories in your issue. There are reasons you promote some stories and reasons why you bury others. These are conscious decisions you need to make, even on the fly, even when your deadline is tight and your options bad.