The Protest Marches On

I didn't see any good ledes in this issue, but I saw several clear attempts at them, so I salute you for that. I'd rather you try and fail, than not try. There were some good attempts, for example, at showing rather than telling.

Sourcing was better and at least one story was a disorganized mess but know that a disorganized messes is built on solid reporting.

Copy editing was sloppy again

But the mistakes weren't as frequent or as aggregious as in past issues this term. Still, you need to get nit picky about your copy. Check and double check the dictionary and AP Style: 10 not ten.

Here is a top 10 list of AP Style rules.

These are the ones you can't violate because hiring editors look for these:

1. Numbers
2. Addresses
3. Directions (compass points)
4. State names and abbreviations
5. Ages
6. Dates
7. Titles
8. Datelines
9. Time
10. Capitalizations


Ledes

You buried the ledes on two of the stories in this issue. In the protest story I found the lede in the middle of the jump: When Veterans for Peace first started an anti-war vigil on a Eureka corner, residents gave them the finger. Now they honk in support.

In the Internet cafe story I found the lede in the third paragraph up from the bottom: When the curtain now covering half the library lobby lifts, you'll be able to get coffee and pastry with the books you check out. But if you are looking for the workout room you are out of luck.

You buried the cover story. It was Frank Cheek's 1000th victory. Remember that tightening and reorganization can work wonders.

Fall in love with the period.

It is our most underappreciated punctuation mark.

On the cannibis story here's how a lowly period could make a difference.

Your lede:

This is how a revolution starts, said Daniel Pasko under the cover of Arcata's giant redwooods.

Here's what the period and a little reorganization can do:

Daniel Pasko, his brother and a friend, stand under the cover of Arcata's giant redwoods. They talk about cannabis. This, Pasko said, is how a revolution starts.

Cut out the blah, blahs.

That means deleting the three paragraphs that you took from Bunch's email. Ask yourself, what did he say that's important. Paraphrase it for the reader in one or two sentences.

The Internet cafe story was the disorganized mess. This story needed an outline. You should outline every story you do, even the sports stories and the editorial. But you must outline any story that has multiple elements.

I. Lede
II. Quote
III. Nut Graph
IV. Point A
V. Point B
VI. Point C
VII. Kicker

Clean up your messes

Meanwhile the story about the Cabinet for Institutional Change was just a mess. It left the reader with more questions than answers. The very wording was confusing. What did you mean by "Coming in September of last year,..." Either it is coming this September or came last September. The reader doesn't know whether to look ahead or back.

Question the answers the questions you ask

You let Snyder say that he selected members of the council by vetting the nominations through various constituencies around campus. But who were they and why did they have such power. And which nominees got nixed in this way and why? And who did the nominating in the first place?

Design was crowded and remains uncreative.

You have many talented photographers this term. You are underutilizing them. When your writers struggle to show don't tell, photographs can help fill in that gap. They tell by showing.

In sports, you needed to go deep.


That means that when when Enos told you that she wore her dad's number on her jersey, you needed to track down the father for an interview. When she told you that she is who she is because of her brother, you needed to track him down, especially when we find out that he is in or just came back from Iraq. Listen to what people tell you and follow up.

That's how to make good stories great.

Write for the reader who doesn't have a clue.

Your story on Figgatt suffered because you wrote for the reader who follows the basketball team.

You lead the story this way:

Senior baskteball player Jameson Figgat, known for his trademark face-mask...

But the reader who has spent the term in the library instead of the gym doesn't know what you are talking about and feels stupid. Never make your reader feel ignorant. Instead you want to make him feel empowered by giving him information he didn't have.

You won't lose the reader who knows by including background. The reader who already knows will simply skim that information quickly until she gets to the part she doesn't know.