Speaking for the Children

In the class, students said they liked the graphics in this issue, as well as the cover. One thought that the packaging of the stories gave the issue a feeling of importance and focus. They liked the layout of the forum section and the use of color.

On the other hand, they thought it a shame that the photo spread was in black and white (an error of the printer). Some ledes were too long. One student didn't understand from the story on Scotch Broom, why the plant is so pesky. Another student felt there was too much white space in the design of the ballet story. And a student was disappointed with the story about CASA.

Here is my take

It is nice to see a special issue and children make a great topic for a special issue. But the cover story seems to be the CASA story so it should be on page three rather than page 24. I guess it ended up in the back of the paper because it was assigned as a Culture story, but you need to get be more flexible with the layout of the paper.

Get organized!

I found the CASA story confusing. First you introduce Shannon Balke, but then you go to Genniene Dison. It seems as if they must be connected. But they aren't. Then you bounce to Steve Volow, then back to Balke then back to Dison. So here's what you need to do next time:

1. Outline the story. It would work better if you start with Balke, give the reader a strong nut graph that summarizes all the key points in the story, then return to Balke. You don't want to leave Balke until you are all but done with her story. Then go to Dison, then Steve Volow. Each person you go to should represent a different key element of the story. That way readers understand why they are being introduced to different people. Without that, readers don't understand why the story goes on and on.
   
2. Imagine the reader is a guest at your party and doesn't know anyone. So you say: I'd like to introduce you to Shannon Belke, because she used to be in foster care and is now with CASA. And here, have you met Genniene Dison? She's with CASA and you need to meet her because she helps kids with special needs. And here's Erika Benson. She's important because she started working with CASA while in college and can tell you how difficult it is to be a volunteer....

Ask: Why?

You cover the story about self-defense for children as an event without adequately explaining why the event is important. The lede says that parents instinctively want to protect their children. But you don't present the reader with any parents who worry about abductions. This is a case of telling, not showing. Show me a fearful parent. And show me why it is important to teach children as young as nine self-defense against kidnappers. How might you do that? By recapping some recent news stories about child abductions combined with federal, state or local data. You could have run a Megan's List check to see how many child molesters are in Humboldt County (a lot!) Without that, this story was simply an event preview.

Don't forget your -ologist!

You needed to add substance to the playground story as well by establishing how badly playgrounds are needed in Eureka and Humboldt County.

How many are there per capita and how does that compare to other places around the state? You could find some sociologist to tell you how important it is to the health of a neighborhood to have safe outdoor places for children to play.

Pronouns can be so disagreeable!

• A group is an it, not a they.
• The Child Development Laboratory is an it not a they.
• The ballet is an it, not a they.

Describe the action

Sports stories are about action so you need to describe the action. When you cover a game or a competition, imagine that you stand next to a blind person who doesn't know what is happening. Every time the crowd cheers he elbows you and says, what happened? Describe what happened for him.

Don't use unnamed sources

Instead of an unnamed spokesperson from county health and human services find someone named who can tell you the same thing. Or get the unnamed person to point you to the legislation or rules so that you can cite that.

Instead of an unnamed person who adopted Lester, find a named person who adopted a fish. That way, you could have that person as your lead, following Lester the fish from the origination point to the spawning ground.

Why do those ledes like to hide?

I found the lede for the Albino! story in the beginning of the jump page:

When the afrobeat band Albino! performs, the drums communicate with the congos and bass. "We all listen to each oterh in a very deep way, almost as in speech," said Michael Bello, who plays keyboards and saxophone and sings lead vocals. "In this spirit we support each other."

And the lede for the Scotch Broom story was in the 10th paragraph:

The bush Scotch Broom is so invasive that each plant produces thousands of long-lasting seeds. You can pull it out. But the plant you pull likely sowed its seeds already; those seeds that will create plants some do-gooder will need to pull decades from now.
Hopefully that won't deter an army of Broom pullers that state and national park rangers need to restore grassy areas in the Bald Hills.

Enough of the griping:

• The layout of forum rocked!
• Loved the illustration on the track story.
• The farmer's market story wove together nice sources with great data and history.
• Loved the story about how no one showed up for the track meet but they still held it. That's the Lumberjack spirit.
• Great coverage online of the fire at the woman's shelter.