Critique of the Student Involvement Issue

This was another good issue. The cover was creative and informative.

Vicky Sama's Beginning Reporting class took a go at critiquing and had a number of constructive things to say:

• They spotted a number of terrible headlines
• They wanted more stories about club sports
• Too many stories jumped; they said trim the stories to eliminate the jumps or better manage the layout to avoid them.
• They wanted more subheads for headlines and more info boxes.
  
• They suggested a sports calendar to brief results of away games and to preview upcoming stories.

Students in the Lumberjack class had both good and bad things to say:

• They loved the cover
• The editorial was strong
• The candidate forums were a good idea
• The entire Forum section was a good read
• The softball pictures were good

On the other hand:

• The wrong story on page 24 seems to jump to page 25.
• The whale photos were laid out in a different section than the whale story.
• You needed a better headline on the Take back the night story.
• The bus story listed the wrong time boarding time for the bus.
  
• You printed the poll results but left out the poll question.
  

Steer your reader to important stories

While the issue looked terrific, the layout doesn't indicate which stories are more or less important. First off, there seem to be four cover stories. In terms of content, the students traveling to Sacramento is the most important but you lay it out on page 4. Instead, the most important story should on the first news page, which is page 3. Also note that the reader's eye goes to the right first, which means that stories on odd pages appear on first glance to be more prominent.




Watch out when you use statistics

In the story about assaults you cite a statistic that one out of every four women will be raped some time in their lives. When someone gives you a statistic find out the original source of the data. That one in four statistic is widely cited and widely reported but dates back to a 1992 study. Whether it is still accurate is questionable. Meanwhile you buried the much more recent and relevant statistics -- that in 2006 and 2007 there were at least two rapes and nine sexual assaults on this campus. Finally in that sexual assault story, you failed to report and discuss the latest report -- an alleged sexual assault in the dorms in the last two weeks.

Clarity is King

The Restructuring story was confusing. When you don't have all the facts you need to let your reader know exactly what you know and what you don't.

Use active verbs

Not: Are planning to
Instead: Plan to

Not: Is graduating Instead: Graduates this May Not: Will be taking place Instead: Will occur

Break up quotes

Instead of:

Amy Moore of Associated Students said, "Students and administrators have never marched together before. We are going to show the state that the education system is united."

Instead try paraphrasing the beginning:

Associated Students representative Amy Moore said that this is the first time that students and administrators will march together. "We are going to show the state that the education system is united," she said.

Know when to use the WHEN

For your lede, the WHAT is almost always more important than the WHEN or the WHO. That goes double when the what is confrontation with a big who -- Arnold Schwarzenegger. You began the bus story with 2.a.m. and you start the editorial with Wednesday, April 9. Use the WHEN only when it is imminent.

Use strong verbs

Instead of:

There they will make their voices heard by the state..

How about:

...they will confront Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger...